** Topic: Zagreb Diary **
Response   4  of  67
** Written  3:40 PM  Apr 18, 1992 by ark in gn:yugo.antiwar **
Subject: Zagreb Diary

Zagreb Diary 17/18 April

Working under such absurd conditions as in a war time plays funny tricks with the feelings of people. When I came here 2 weeks ago the first time I saw was that everybody at ARK, but also in Zagreb as a whole was dead tired, most of them have brown rings around there eyes, like they haven't sleep since years. And probebly that is true.

It is like living on the top of your nerves, your feelings are incredible intense. The people here were in more than one way depressed and feeling that they life on an island. The outside World did not react on their calls for help, at least not always in the practical way they hoped here. 

After two weeks I start to understand the enourmous tentions in the air, the impossibility to be naive with your qeustion. I have spoken with more and more soldiers and I know what they feel at the front, but even when I meet one who just returned I keep my mouth shut. Nevertheless I am full of qeustion, dying to know what it is out there at the frontline, who it must feel to be under attack and how it comes that ordinairy factory workers become fighting and killing machines. 

On both sides this thing is happening, whenever I type in the word Chetniks or HOS soldiers I try to figure out the men behind those group names. How is it possible that a nice family man becomes a total war machine. Which instruments are in power to create monsters without feelings towards the other side. 

If the stories about Bijalina, Svornik, Mostar and Visegrad are true the way they are told to us via SDA and other groups from Sarajevo, if the rumours are true, what happened, already last year, in Croatia, f.i. in the national parks, if only 50% or less from all the killing and destroying madness is true, what have cause this act of absolute crazyness.

Can we blame it on the leaders, can we blame it on the fighters at the front, can we blame it on the economical situation, can we blame it on whatever..........

About 14 years ago I have worked for a year (as vegetarian) in a meat factory, killing cows and pigs, within 5 days a could give the electric deadly schock, without throwing up. That must be about the same mechanism. Now I am typing in discusting war stories, they often break my nerves, but I am happy that I still not become a machine. I keep on talking about it, since it have to get out, one way or another, otherwise you become nuts.

There are also other more normal things going on here, people start to like me, this crazy guy from the Netherlands, with his computer and his wild stories, stupid ideas and pushing  them around to think about thinks they never ever thought of.

I try to come here or at Green Action always with a big smile on my face, fooling around about things, trying to bring some smiles back on their faces, and now I have the feeling it starts to work, fantasy is in the air here at ARK.

But ofcourse you can not fight a war against a war all by yourselfs, nevertheless the positive reactions I have got back over the nets it is still a solo action of me here. I hope and believe that E-mail can play an important role in communications between groups, that electronic network have great protentials. That is what keeps me going against this madness. Every time when somebody send a reaction I am so happy and show it to everybody, you see it is working they start to react. Whenever I log in and there is nothing I keep it silence and for myself.   

Yesterday evening we were sitting in this wonderfull room off Darko, who just came back from the army, a long haired hippy, with snapshots from his bataljon, a total unorganised bunch of crazy soldiers making fun with their weapons, granade throwers with bottle of beers, flowers in the riffles, parties in the warzone. Darko in the middle of a war sitting in his uniform playing with a young dog in an abondonned Serbian village behind the Croatian frontline. His sergants was a profesor of philosofy and more of this crazy things.

It is Saturday 18 April around 16:30 and Sarajevo still excists Serma just send me another fax which is now slowly coming out. She is still alive, I hope they have something like a peaceful Easter, but I think not.

See you probebly tomorrow, have to work on our ideas to send a massive electronic and fax easter greetings to Beograd.

Love and Peace from Zagreb

Wam as always still in a good mood.
** End of text from gn:yugo.antiwar **